So the main question I've been getting (besides the usual "when does he leave?", "where is he going?", "what's his job?", "how long will he be gone?", "will you be able to talk to him?", "does he get to come home any?", etc etc) is this: "Are you mentally prepared to say goodbye?"
I really don't know how to answer that question simply. So here is what I've come up with.
I believe I am much more mentally stronger than the "average female" when it comes down to the tough things. Now if you ask Jon, he will probably say I'm such a cry baby at times, but aren't all us females at 'certain times'? But when it comes down to it, I believe I really am more mentally strong, or maybe the correct word is prepared. I don't know, I mean I do have the word "strength" tattooed on me for a reason. Yes, I guarantee you I will cry when I have to say goodbye, but I don't see myself crying at nights and having a really hard time the first month, because face it, you can't feel sorry for yourself!. I also know that I have to be strong for Jon..I'm probably going to be the one that he comes to in order to share things that are going on...I know there will probably be stuff that he wont want to share with his mom (and worry her) and I want him to feel like he can share those things with me, without me worrying and having a hard time with it!
Anyways, I don't really freak out about stuff that other girls would....I think things through and talk things out. Jon is going to deploy whether or not I am mentally prepared, whether or not I cry like a baby, whether or not I try holding onto him for dear life. So I guess in a way I have accepted the fact that I have to say goodbye to him on Sunday.
However, I don't think I have truly accepted that he is deploying, because it just has not hit me yet....yes I know he is leaving, but I don't think it will really hit me that he is gone until a few weeks after D-Day. We have had a distance-relationship most of our relationship, so I am used to not being around him all the time which is why I think it will take awhile to really hit me that he is gone.
I do admit, I have broken down randomly twice now in the past month or so....like I was looking at a picture of Jon and I (him in his uniform) that is in his house, and I just kept thinking about how he wont be here for a year, and I'd break down crying for a minute and then I'd be fine. But that's the part that scares me the most, is just being away for an entire year, I dread it. Deep down, I don't have the fears of him getting hurt over there, for some reason I just feel/know that he will be fine.
I know he will change some, but doesn't everyone change in a year? I know I probably will be different in some ways come a year from now!
So moral of all my rambling and reasoning, yes I do believe I am mentally prepared...atleast for the goodbye.
No comments:
Post a Comment